


Easy Pose

by roguesgallery



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Needs Therapy, F/M, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), Yoga, Yoga pants induced sexual awakening, background Finn/Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-15 09:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18071153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguesgallery/pseuds/roguesgallery
Summary: Focus. Focus, Rey. You are doing something for you. You are spending money and time on something that benefits you and no one else. You no longer have to scrimp and save every penny. You have a great apartment. You have a job you love. You have your goddamn life in order. You can afford a gym membership. You can afford a yoga mat. You can afford to work out in place where your shoes won’t get stolen. Probably.And, she mentally added to her pep talk (which sounded a lot like Finn, to be honest), you never have to tell anyone EVER that you picked this gym because a picture of Ben Solo in downward dog realigned your world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/gifts).



> Inspired by [Persimonne's gorgegous art.](https://persimart.tumblr.com/post/183124495938/old-art-revamped) Thank you for letting me play in your world!
> 
> Thank you Ash for the beta and all the Sprinters at The Writing Den.

**FEBRUARY**

Rey signed on the dotted line. There, she had done it! She had gone bourgeois, or lower middle class at least. She had joined a gym.

Resistance Gym was a strange mix of styles. Whoever ran their instagram feed deserved a raise, or filters really were magic. @doordonotthereisnotry showed a place that smelled of eucalyptus and inner peace. The reality was a lot more crowded and loud. An older woman with her hair up in a complicated braid was teaching Zumba in the main room. A smaller studio to the left had a tiny asian woman wailing on a punching bag. Down the hall were a few closed doors. She could spy natural light spilling out an open doorway at the back.

“Your first class will be in the back room, straight down the hall,” the receptionist said. Her name tag said Kaydel in block letters. She looked sweet, but she had managed to upsell Rey to the twenty class pass. “Change rooms are middle door on your right. Gender neutral, but all the stalls have doors. Class starts in 15, but feel free to go in early and warm up. There is no class in there right now. You have a mat and a towel?” Rey gestured to her bag. “Great. Here is your locker number. Have fun!” Kaydel turned back to her computer. Rey could see that she was editing a picture of a tall man standing, holding a pose where his hands were clasped over his head and he was balancing on one leg, the other bent with his foot touching his knee. His arms were long and corded with muscle. His thighs… His thighs made Rey want to donate her life’s savings to Lululemon in thanks for their contribution to society.

“Uh, does he go here?” Rey asked like she didn’t already know the answer and had been stalking their insta feed for weeks.

“Yes. He’s our newest instructor, Ben. He’ll be your teacher today.” Kaydel kept her face blank, but Rey could swear a smirk was lurking under her placid exterior.

“Great. Great. I’ll just,” she held up her bag, “go. I’ll go change.”

Kaydel nodded. Rey nodded. Rey absolutely did not stay staring at the computer screen for another incredibly awkward, incredibly long pause.

_Focus. Focus, Rey. You are doing something for you. You are spending money and time on something that benefits you and no one else. You no longer have to scrimp and save every penny. You have a great apartment. You have a job you love. You have your goddamn life in order. You can afford a gym membership. You can afford a yoga mat. You can afford to work out in place where your shoes won’t get stolen. Probably._

_And, she mentally added to her pep talk_ (which sounded a lot like Finn, to be honest), _you never have to tell anyone EVER that you picked this gym because a picture of Ben Solo in downward dog realigned your world._

It wasn’t that Rey had never experienced sexual attraction before. She just had never had time for it. Survival mode was a real thing and a lack of security (and calories) growing up had probably delayed her puberty. A terror of pregnancy kept experimentation to a minimum and masturbation in a group home where it was four bunk beds to a room was a thought too embarrassing to contemplate.

She had been thinking about trying yoga for a while. Usually she ran because it was cheap and you could bring it with you wherever you go, but lately it hadn’t been enough to quiet the thoughts in her head or quell her nervous energy. For the first time she had no emergency in her life, no battle for food, shelter or companionship, and for some reason her mind thought that was the moment to spring every anxious thought she had ever had onto herself, usually in the middle of the night or early morning. Finn had found her doing inventory of their (fully stocked) pantry at 3 am and gently recommended she talk to someone. She wasn’t ready for that yet. Also, the medical benefits at her awesome new job didn’t kick in for six months. So, yoga.

She had been idly browsing the local gyms’ instagram feeds when she came across the picture that stopped her heart. His body was amazing, that could not be denied. It wasn’t the lithe, long figure she associated with yoga. He was, in a word, massive, with wide shoulders and thick thighs. But more than that, Rey was taken by his profile. His eyes were closed. A thin scar ran from above his eyebrow, down his cheek, and chest. His face looked peaceful, but that scar said his peace hadn’t been easily earned.

Rey wanted to know that peace. She wanted him to teach her how to reach it.

She also wanted to bite his ass, but that was neither here nor there.

Rey placed her shoes in her assigned locker (and added a combination lock, because you couldn’t be too careful) and walked to the back of the gym. Ah, this is where the eucalyptus and inner peace pictures had been taken. The back room wasn’t large. It had room for maybe six mats, eight if you were careful with your arm movements. Its entire back wall was made up of glass sliding doors that opened up to semi-cultivated green space full of wildflowers. There was a small patio and an even smaller mowed lawn section. The majority of the space had been left to grow as it would. The morning sun was diffused by the vines growing through wooden lattice. It was beautiful.

“Good morning.”

Rey almost jumped out her skin. Her fists were up and ready to strike before her brain could communicate to her adrenaline-fueled body. He blocked her strike with one large hand and twisted his body so her knee hit his hip instead of… softer parts.

It was him. The pictures didn’t lie, he was massive. What she couldn’t tell from instagram was how direct his gaze was, how intense. His voice was deep, low and just the right amount of rough.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hello.” He was still holding her fist. She was still staring. This stalemate may have never ended, but another student came in. She tugged her hand away and he let it drop. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and greeted the new person.

Rey’s hand tingled.

She set up her mat as far from him as possible. The other students came in, chatting comfortably with each other. Rey was having flashbacks to high school when the tiny woman she had seen assaulting a punching bag laid down her mat beside Rey.

“Hey, I’m Rose.”

“Rey.”

“First time?”

“Uh, yes. How could you tell?”

Rose pointed to Rey’s oversized t-shirt that proclaimed “Naboo is for Lovers”. “Not your typical yoga wear,” she said, not unkindly. Rey looked around at the other women. They all wore perfectly coordinated yoga outfits, skin tight and flattering. Rey gulped as the woman standing next to her folded over to touch her toes.

“I’m going to flash the whole class,” Rey concluded.

“Yep,” Rose agreed. “I’d lend you something, my wardrobe is 95% workout clothes, but Solo is a stickler for punctuality. Late comers ruin his flow or something.” She rolled her eyes. “But you have a sport bra on, right? Just wear that.” Rey blanched. Rose shrugged. “It covers everything and you won’t have to worry about suffocating yourself during downward dog.”

This was a practical solution, Rey knew, but she was used to layers of baggy clothes. In areas she had lived, it was better not to draw too much attention. In college, hoodies and track pants were basically the uniform of every engineering student, male or female.

She pulled her shirt off like ripping off a bandaid, throwing it to the side.

“Shit, girl. If I had abs like that I would never wear a shirt.” Rose whistled.

Ben Solo looked up from where he was fiddling with a Bose speaker. Rey could swear his eye widened. She straightened her shoulders. Yoga was about good posture, right? He looked away. Peaceful piano music began playing. He sat down on his mat, which was placed perpendicular to the rest of the class. He crossed his legs and everyone followed suit. He led them through a breathing exercise. Rey had to close her eyes. Just his voice was bad enough. It may be time to invest in her first vibrator. What else were signing bonuses for if not sex toys? Please, please remember to use incognito mode for that google search.

“Clear your mind,” Ben said. Rey’s whole brain noped. Hard.

“Bend at the waist, reaching out with your hands. With each exhale try to stretch a little further. Now press down into your palms, pushing back into your hips and lower back. Good.”

_Okay, go to yoga class, pick up some new kinks,_ Rey thought as her spine liquified with arousal.

Rey managed to get through the whole class without embarrassing herself. Ben did tell her to keep her eyes open during tree pose. “It will be easier to balance,” he told her quietly, “If you pick a spot to stare at.” Rey picked a knot in the wood flooring and did not look at Ben Solo as he balanced on one foot, his other foot braced against the inside of the opposite knee like a very sexy flamingo.

Yoga pants hid _nothing_.

Ben ended the class with a guided meditation. Rey was surprised that it actually seemed to help a little. He guided the class through all their main muscle groups, contracting and relaxing each in turn. Rey felt like she could fall asleep. She hadn’t had a good nap in months…

“Wake up, sweetheart.”

“Fivemoreminutes.” Rey rolled onto her side, ignoring the mean voice. Couldn’t he see she was sleeping?

Wait. He? Who?!?

Rey sat up so quickly she almost smashed her forehead into Ben’s. She looked around wildly. The classroom was empty except for them.

“I am so sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well-”

“Don’t worry about it.” He didn’t smile, but his eyes crinkled a bit. “It’s not the first time someone has fallen asleep in class and it won’t be the last.”

Rey tried to discreetly check for drool. “Thanks. I’m so sorry for holding you up.”

Ben shrugged. “It’s fine.” Rey rolled up her mat and hurried out of the door, still apologizing.

“Rey!” She turned back, her heart leaping. “Your shirt.” He handed her the rumpled tee.

“Oh, god, thanks.” She rested her mat against the wall and quickly put on her shirt. When her head cleared the collar, Ben looked a bit flushed.

“I’ll see you next week?”

“Yes.”

“Great. That’s great,” Rey said. She hustled in and out of the locker room as fast as she could. She could shower at home. As she was walking to the bus stop, she started smiling. Humiliation aside, she felt great.

She felt awake.

She decided to walk home.

 

**MARCH**

Rey kept going to class. Her bridge pose and planks were kicking ass, if she did say so herself. Her warrior and tree poses were still… shaky. Normally, Rey had pretty good balance. Without it she would have hurt herself a thousand times growing up working in the tetanus factory that was Unkar Plutt’s Salvage Yard. But Ben was right, the balance poses were easier if you found something to stare at. Something that wasn’t your instructor’s ass.

Still, epic amounts of sexual frustration and the embarrassment of knocking into Rose when she extended a bit too far in Extended Side Angle pose was nothing compared to the lightness she felt when she left the class. Ben’s guided meditation quickly became her favorite part of the whole week. She’d close her eyes, sink into his voice and just drift. It was silly, but even after she left, she still felt him with her.

She was even sleeping better, not in class thankfully.

Winter was giving its last gasp. Despite being March, the city was bombarded by snow and freezing rain. Hurrying to Resistance from the bus stop was a unending battle between the desire to get out of the wind versus trying not to fall and break her ass. Her cheapass boots weren’t keeping out the icy wetness and she just wanted to go back to bed. But she knew she’d feel better if she went to class. Also, well, Ben.

She hustled into Resistance, doing her best to knock the slush off her boots. The gym was quiet. No one was in sight, not even Kaydel at the front desk, but the lights were on.

“Hello?”

She heard someone moving around upstairs, then a door she had previously assumed was for an office opened.

“Rey?” Ben was incredulous. He also didn’t have a shirt on.

“I guess class was cancelled?” Rey asked weakly.

“I emailed everyone hours ago.”

Rey looked at her phone. “Sorry. My spam filter is kinda aggressive. I guess I should go?” Rey had no idea why she had said that with a questioning inflection. She blamed his pecs.

He shook his head. “No, no. It’s too crazy out there. I don’t mind doing a session. I was going to work out any way.”

“Wait. If class is cancelled, why are you here?”

“I live upstairs.”

“Oh.” Rey would not think about his bed being a staircase away. She would not.

“It’s a family business.”

“Oh. That’s nice.” As always when close families came up, Rey battled to keep her jealousy at bay.

He looked pained. “Please don’t tell anyone. Some of the clients can be…”

“Thirsty?” Rey grinned.

“I was going to say intrusive.”

Rey blushed. “You really don’t need to do a class just for me. I’m sure there is a Starbucks nearby. I can camp out until the next bus.”

“Go get ready, Rey. I’m going see how much you’ve learned in the last month. And don’t think I’m going to take it easy on you.” He walked down the hall to the yoga room, giving Rey a totally unobstructed view of his naked back. It was a work of art. Rey wanted to lick each vertebrae. He raised his arms over his head, stretching as he walked. Rey meeped.

She literally made a “meep” sound like an overly horny muppet.

Rey was not going to survive her “private session”.

 

* * *

 

Rey dressed in her new, yoga appropriate gear. A black mid tank and stretchy pants that were a bit high in the waist, but oh well, they had been on sale. She was attempting to put her hair back when her elastic broke. “Fuck.” She slicked her snow dampened hair back as well as she could and resigned herself to be being blinded during half of the poses.

Ben had already placed their mats down, facing each other.

“Let’s start in easy pose.”

Rey sat, legs crossed, already feeling her breathing even out. Even knowing Ben’s whole attention was on her wasn’t enough to completely counteract the calm that came to her in this now familiar room.

He took them through his normal warm up. Forward bends without her hair up wasn’t super fun, but she managed. She almost ripped out a chunk of hair moving from Spinx to Cobra. “Ouch. Ouch, ouch.”

Ben was looking at her with amusement. “Something wrong, Rey?”

She scowled at him.

“Sit up.” He pulled a red hairband off his wrist and moved behind her. He left over a foot between her back and his front, but his legs were splayed on each side of her hips and she could feel the warmth radiate off him.

“Uh, what are you doing?”

“Fixing your hair.” He gently separated her hair into multiple sections.

“Are you french braiding my hair?” Had Rey hit her head in the storm and was actually dying of hypothermia in some alley?

“Yes,” his voice sounded muffled. His hands were gentle, deftly untangling any knots. Rey didn’t know whether to shiver or cry. She had a memory of her mom pulling her hair in three tight buns. She had been nowhere as gentle as this man.

Danger, danger. Rey did not want to think about her family.

“Why do you have an elastic? Do you wear a hipster man bun when no one is around?”

“Guilty,” he said dryly. Silence. “My mom leaves them everywhere. I’ve got used to picking them up.”

“Did she teach you to braid hair?”

“Yes. Don’t tell anyone,” he whispered close to ear. “But she used to braid my hair too.”

Rey stifled a shiver. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“All done,” he said softly. Rey turned her head.

“How does it look?” She said, matching his quiet tone.

His eyes traced her face. “Perfect.”

And that’s when the power went out.

In someone else’s life that would have led to soft kisses in candlelight. For Rey it turned into trying to fix the gym’s fifteen-year-old generator.

Oh well, her braid kept the hair off her face and Ben played assistant, handing her tools and keeping the flashlight aimed. Rey had never been happier.

 

**APRIL**

“I’m going to kill him,” Rose whispered under her breath. They had been holding chair pose for what felt like forever. Rey’s thighs were shaking. Ben looked like he could happily start reading War and Peace.

“You can’t kill him. If you do, you’ll never get to laugh at him when he does happy baby pose again,” Rey said, trying to be quiet. The class had gotten bigger with the coming of spring and Ben had opened the sliding doors so a few students could take their mats out to the patio and grass. Rey had snagged the grass immediately. It was a good excuse to come early even if Ben hadn’t acknowledged her outside of class since her storm-caused private session.

“Then I’ll hide all his ridiculous green juice. No, better than that! I’ll sell it to his groupies. Tell them the secret ingredient is his sweat.”

Rey ignored the groupies remark. “Why do you come to yoga if you hate it so much?”

Ben called for them to move into a high lunge and Rose growled. “I need the flexibility for kickboxing and classes are free for staff.”

Rey nodded, moving into downward dog for a few breaths, then high lunge for her other side. “Free is the best.”

“Speaking of free, you get an extra class if you refer someone. How about you bring that roommate of yours?”

“Finn? Finn is not into yoga.”

“Maybe he’d like kickboxing,” Rose said, way too casually.

Rey turned away from her new friend to do Warrior pose and grinned. “Maybe he would,” she said.

 

* * *

 

With the backyard open, more students dawdled after class, drinking their water and trying to outdo each other with their healthy snacks.

Rey was dutifully chewing raw almonds when an absolutely stacked woman in full Lululemon gear approached Ben. He was spraying tea tree oil on his mat. She waited for him to acknowledge her standing over him. And waited. Finally, she tapped him on the shoulder.

“Yes? Courtney, right?”

“Yes.” She smiled prettily. “I know this great smoothie bar just a few blocks away.”

“That’s nice,” Ben said neutrally.

“They have the most amazing Kale salads too.”

Rey scrunched up her face. She would eat just about anything but Kale. Ew. It was like eating grass.

“I bring my own lunch, but thanks for the recommendation.” He put away his mat, his back to her.

“What about coffee?” She said brightly, undeterred.

“I don’t drink coffee.”

“Green tea?” Courtney’s smile was slipping. Poor girl.

Ben sighed and turned around, looking Courtney in the eyes for the first time. “I don’t date.”

“Students? Because I-” Rey wasn’t even pretending not to be listening by now. Her breath was caught in her throat.

“I don’t date. At all.” His fingers were twitching a little at his sides. Rey had never seen him fidget before.

Courtney took it like a champ. “Oh. Okay. See you next week.” She smiled once more at him, though her expression when she turned away said she would not be coming to class next week.

Ben ran his fingers through his hair and pressed his lips together. His shoulders slumped.

Rey desperately wished for an exit that wasn’t currently blocked by a 6’3 man who was obviously having a moment.

He opened his eyes and saw her there, still sitting on the grass, almonds forgotten. He looked stricken.

“I’m sorry,” she said immediately. He didn’t say anything for a long moment.

“Me too.” And he left.

Rey told herself that the tears pricking her eyes were from the sun. She didn’t even know him. She was nothing to him, just another student with a silly crush.

But then why was she so sad?

 

* * *

 

Rey did manage to drag Finn to kickboxing class. He appreciated free almost as much as Rey and Rose had finagled him a pass for her intro class.

It was torture. Fun torture, but torture.

Rose called for a short water break and Rey lay on the mat panting. Finn collapsed beside her, resting his head on her stomach. “Eww, get off. You are so sweaty.” Rey pushed at his head half-heartedly.

“Can’t move.”

“I thought you were ‘totally in shape’” Rey teased. “Isn't that what you told Rose? She told me you slid into her DMs.”

“Hey! I just wanted to know if I had to bring anything.”

“Sure. It had nothing to do with the instagram story she posted where she kicked a dummy’s head off.”

“Do you really want to get into internet browsing habits with me, Rey?” Finn found the energy to stare her down. “Because a lot of packages have been delivered to the apartment lately and I know your phone’s passcode-” Rey covered his mouth with her hand.

“Nope. No. No.”

He grinned. “That’s what I thought.”

Someone cleared their throat.

It was Ben.

“Rose. can you turn the music down? I’m about to start a private session.”

“Sure. Sorry, Ben.” She nudged Rey’s calf with her foot. “Get up, lazy bones. Break’s over.”

Finn rolled over, hiding his face in Rey’s side. “You can’t make me.”

“I’ll make you a nutella smoothie when we get home,” Rey coaxed.

“Fine.” Finn heaved himself up and offered her a hand.

Ben was still standing there, staring at Finn’s hand in hers. She quickly pulled away, wiping her hand on her thigh.

“Hi Ben.”

He nodded at her, once, twice, then left.

“Okay all, back in fight stance!” Rose said, clapping her hands together.

 

* * *

 

Rey began going to classes twice a week. Wednesday night for kickboxing and Saturday morning for yoga class with Ben. She rarely woke up in the middle of the night any more, mind racing. She was only four months away now from her health benefits coming in. Actively working to release her anger and anxiety made her realize just how much she had bottled up. Maybe she should talk to someone.

She upgraded to a drop-in pass where she could use whatever equipment wasn’t in use. More than once tears mixed in with the sweat as she pummeled the punching bag. She took to coming in thirty minutes before close so the place was almost empty. The tears felt good, clean, but they were nothing she wanted to explain to others.

Today had been a particularly frustrating day at work. She loved her job, but she did not love interacting with the clients. She helped design small airplanes. Sleek and light, they were perfect for a solo flight, just the pilot and the sky. Unfortunately, the kind of people who could afford their planes usually had entitlement issues coming out of their assholes. The client today didn’t even have his pilot license yet, but still demanded to talk to Rey, thinking he knew how to do her job better than her. He had been ranting and raving until he saw ‘Ray’ was Rey and he started to use a syrupy tone with her, like he was talking to a baby or a small animal. Rey still felt gross.

The punching bag wasn’t enough. She turned one of the treadmills on, putting it on advanced mode. She needed not to think, not to feel. She had bit her tongue with the client, even accepting his too long handshake at the end. Not standing up for herself reminded Rey too much of her days with Plutt when she had to bite back every angry retort or go to bed hungry. It made her feel small and powerless.

She ran harder.

 

* * *

 

So, maybe Rey had over done it. She took a quick shower after finally burning out her anger and now she couldn’t move. Literally. She was sitting on the bench in front of her locker, clad only in a towel, and there she stopped. She was pretty sure workout hours were more than over. If someone turned out the lights she was going to forage for more towels and stay the night. Well, forage from any lockers she could currently reach from her bench. The bench was her new home.

The change room door opened and Rey found that her body could scrounge up a last bit of energy to enter panic mode. She shoved on her t-shirt over her towel. Half dressed was better than nothing, right?

Ben strode in, heading for the light switches.

“Hi.”

“Rey!” He moved so quickly towards her that he skidded slightly on the damp tile.

“Guilty.” She tried to smile and surreptitiously shifted her towel to cover more leg. She needed to buy bigger towels. She was going to add that to her ‘How to Adult Despite a Total Lack of Role Models’ list. A frayed Spongebob beach towel was not cutting it. “I didn’t fall asleep this time. I just can’t move. Which may be worse, now that I think about it.”

His overly blank expression shifted to concerned. “Have you had any water? Eaten some protein?”

“Uhh, no?”

He grabbed a small package from his locker. “Here. Eat some dried edamame. I’ll get you something to drink.”

The edamame was crispy and salty and the water he got her was cold and delicious. Her hands were still shaking a bit, but she was feeling much better. Better enough to notice that Ben was hovering protectively, but only taking the shortest of glances at her. Rey looked down and saw that her wet hair had completely soaked through the front of her t-shirt. She caught him peeking again and her nipples tightened in response to his attention. He was sweaty and wearing the highest waisted pants she have ever seen outside of Shakespeare or Errol Flynn movies, and she wanted his hands on her now. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, and for one incredible moment, she could imagine he wanted that too.

“Ben-”

“I’ll give you a ride home.”

“You don’t-”

“I’ll meet you at the front.”

Rey was left alone in the change room, legs weak for multiple reasons.

 

* * *

 

The ride home was quiet. He put her address into his GPS, so the only sound was the phone telling him to take a right in 300 hundred meters.

“I’m sorry.” Apologizing was all she seemed to do around him. She should work on that. She mentally added it to The List.

He didn’t look at her, hands carefully at 10 and 2. “What for?”

“Losing track of time. Eating your food.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It was a bad day at work and I just needed to move, you know?”

This did make him look at her. “I get that.”

“Really? You aren’t on a higher plane? Transcending this petty reality?” She teased.

He parallel parked in front of her apartment building. He even did that perfectly, the jerk. His sweaty hair had also dried into perfect waves. She knew he hadn’t showered yet and she still wanted to rub her face against his neck. It wasn’t fair.

He turned off the car, chewing on his lip. “Rey, the guy you see in class, the guy you think I am, that’s not me. It’s someone I can pretend to be for 45 minutes a class, but that’s it.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, something Rey has seen him do in class a hundred times.

“What’s the real you like?” She spoke softly, not wanting to spook him.

He opened his eyes, resting his head against the back of his seat. “Angry. Angry all the time.”

“I get that.” And Rey did. Sometimes she looked around the world and could see nothing but the advantages other people had. People who had never worried about money or food or a bed to sleep in. People who had never wondered what a five year old could have done to make her parents not love her anymore. He seemed to believe her. The vulnerable look in his dark eyes gave Rey courage. “I’d like to meet the real you. See what he is like.”

He grimaced. “I’d just disappoint you.” He stared out the driver side window. The street lamps glinted off his eyes. “You should go in.”

His sudden dismissal hit like a punch to the gut. Rey couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She unbuckled her belt and got out of the passenger door.

Finn was already home when she got in, watching Star Trek on Netflix. She cuddled into his side. One of the best things about Finn was he knew when to talk and when to just let her be. He swung an arm over her shoulders and switched to Parks and Recreation. Rey gave him a small smile and tried not to think for the rest of the night.

 

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

MAY

Rey tried to kill her crush. She really did. But it was impossible as long as she kept going to his class. The next Saturday she cleaned the whole apartment. The Saturday after that, she told herself she was sleeping in. Instead, she stared at her phone as it counted down to Ben’s nine am class, wide awake.

Sleeping in was not going to work.

Finally, at 9:45, she forced herself out of bed. Finn was already up. He was going to two kickboxing classes a week now.

She smiled weakly at him. “Ready to meet your maker?”

Finn was gulping down a protein shake. “She’s so mean, Rey. How can she be so tiny and sweet and still so mean?”

Rey laughed. “Having a tall older sister and an insanely competitive spirit, is what she told me. Anyway, you like it.”

“I do,” he agreed sadly, grabbing his gym bag. “But if she knocks me on my ass one more time, I’m going to get a complex.”

“I think you mean a kink!” Rey shouted as he ran out the door.

Rey decided to go to the farmer’s market. That was even more bougie than yoga class, right? She took her time dressing. She may feel like garbage, but it was spring and she was going to wear a cute sundress, damnit! She had gone shopping with Rose and her sister Paige and they had convinced her that dressing like a grown up should be on her List. No more ill-fitting, ink stained work clothes and shirts stolen from Finn. She bought herself a few client-meeting outfits and a couple wrap dresses. Nothing fancy, but nothing three sizes too big either. She put on a green wrap dress, white tennis shoes, and grabbed sunglasses, and two reusable cloth grocery bags. Like a real adult. One who didn’t care if Ben Solo didn’t want to get to know her better.

 

* * *

 

Rey was strolling around the open-air market, sipping on an overpriced but delicious Mango Lassi (She may have spent five minutes pricing in her head how much cheaper it would have been to make at home but she was determined to have the full farmer’s market experience and it seemed to include some form of smoothie) when she heard her name.

“Rey!” It was Ben Fucking Solo running towards her from across the large courtyard. His legs ate up the space in a ridiculously short period of time. He was wearing jeans and a black sweater. His clothes weren’t even tight but Rey still wanted to climb him like a tree. It wasn’t fair. “You haven’t been in class lately.” His hair was wet. Rey could see his ears peeking out of his dark hair. They were huge and adorable.

“Yeah. I wanted to get to the market early. Grab all the best produce, you know?” Ben gave her empty bags a look, but didn’t call her on it.

“I hope you’ll be there next week. You have really been improving.”

“I’ve been thinking of switching to Paige’s Sunday class. It works better with my schedule,” she said weakly. Rey was a horrible liar.

He clenched his jaw. Rey looked at her drink. Rey’s instinctive honesty bubbled up inside her and she just knew she was going to make a fool of herself, but she had to tell him.

“I’ve been trying really hard lately to give myself the things I want and trying not to want the things I can’t have,” she paused,” Does that make any sense?”

He nodded solemnly.

“So, I think I should go to Paige’s class. For the foreseeable future.”

He opened his mouth to argue, and Rey knew if he gave her the slightest hint of interest she would go right back to staring at him longingly while he fended off woman after woman.

“I think it’s for the best,” she said. He closed his mouth. His lips were so pink. How were they so pink?

“If that’s what you think,” he said, clipped and almost angry.

Fuck Ben Solo and his mixed messages. Did he need every woman he met to be throwing themselves at his feet? Rey had pride.

“I do.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“I have to get back to the gym.” Now it was Rey’s turn to give his empty cloth bags a disbelieving stare. He jutted out his chin defiantly, daring her to say something. He wanted to pick a fight, she realized.

She sighed. “Goodbye Ben.”

This time Rey got to be the one to walk away. It didn’t make her feel better.

 

* * *

 

 

“Rey, you will not believe what happened at the gym!” Finn burst into the apartment, eyes wide.

Rey pushed the schematics she had been working on away from her. It wasn’t like she was making progress anyway. “You asked out Rose.”

“She actually asked me out, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“What? You guys have both been making me listen to every detail of your courtship and now you don’t want to talk about it? You made me listen to a twenty-minute monologue about how her hair flips!”

“She asked me to lunch. We went, it was great. We held hands and I walked her back to the gym after.” Rey gaped at him. He waved his hands. “I’ll give you the details later. The important thing is that when I walked her back there was a frigging floor show happening courtesy of your crush!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ben and Luke freaking Skywalker were doing some sort of stick fighting. It was sick. Ben was going full out.”

“Luke Skywalker? He’s got to be in his 60s by now!”

“Fifty three. I googled him. Did you know he is the only olympian to also be an astronaut for NASA? The man is a legend and he still has some moves. But Ben is over twenty years younger and more than a foot taller and he was coming down on him like the wrath of God. You should have seen it! Skywalker was as cool as a cucumber. He wasn’t even trying to hit him back. He was like a ghost, nothing Ben did could touch him. He just let Ben tire himself out.”

“Was Skywalker okay?”

“Yeah, he was super chill. Like ‘see you around, kid.’ I got the feeling this wasn’t their first time fighting.”

“What did Ben do?”

“Nothing. Rose ripped into him about being unprofessional and how martial arts were about disarming your opponent, not whatever he was doing and he just took it. All he did was ask if you knew Rose and I were dating. Weird, right? I told him I was going to tell you when I got home and he just stalked off.”

“Huh.”

“Did you know Skywalker is his Uncle? And the mayor is his mother? Apparently, she teaches Zumba sometimes. Rose says she’s awesome.”

“Finn,” Rey said tentatively. “Do you think Ben thinks we live together?”

“We do live together.”

“No, like _together_ together.”

Finn flopped down on the couch. “That makes a lot of sense. The guy does glare at me all the time, but I thought that was just his face. Rose says he’s not so bad. Like, he used to be an asshole and got kicked off the MMA circuit, but now he’s just grouchy. She says he almost makes her think yoga isn’t all bad. But today… It was unreal. He was scary.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Is Rose coming over?”

“No.”

Rey got up from the table and looked through the peephole. “It’s Ben.”

“Shit. Should I stay? Go? Does he look mad? Does he look like a guy who is about to beat up another guy in a fake cheating scandal sort of way?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “I have no idea what that would look like.” Rey peeked again. Facial expressions were hard to read through a peephole, but Ben didn’t look angry. He looked nervous.

She opened the door.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi.”

Finn jumped off the couch and squeezed in between them, glaring up at Ben. “Rey, do you want me to stay?” She shook her head. “Okay, I’m going to go for a walk. A short walk. Then I’m going to come home to check on my platonic life partner. Is that okay with you, Solo?”

Ben ran a hand through his hair. “Crystal,” he replied, sounding tired.

“Rey?” Finn said, the concern clear in his voice. “I’ll have my ringer on.”

“It’s fine, Finn.”

Finn nodded and patted her on the arm. He edged out the door, glaring at Ben the whole time. Rey shut the door behind him. “Have a seat.”

Ben sighed. “I’ve really been trying to do less of that.”

“What? Beating up your Uncle?” She arched an eyebrow at him.

“No. That’s part of our deal. Not that I can actually get a hit in on him, the asshole. No, I’ve been trying to not antagonize people who I actually owe an apology.”

“People like Finn?”

“Yes. And you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. I know I’ve been hot and cold with you. I want you to understand why. I don’t date. Or I haven’t been for the last ten months or so.”

“What happened ten months ago?”

“My dad died.”

“Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged. “We weren’t close. I wasn’t even sure I was going to go to the funeral, but I had just been kicked off the MMA circuit and I was kinda lost, so I went. The synagogue was packed. All these people who loved him. People he had disappointed and cheated and taken care of. They loved him. They forgave him. And I realized I loved him. Even when I hated him, I’d loved him. So, I moved back home, made a plan with my mom and Luke, and started teaching yoga.”

“Lots of MMA fighters know yoga?”

He smiled, looking appreciative of the out. “More than you’d think. But I’ve been doing it since I was kid. Luke taught me.”

“Did he also teach you stick fighting?”

Ben snorted ruefully. “Yes, actually. He tried to give me an outlet. Yoga to start and end the day. Beating the shit out of each other in the afternoon. I lived with him for a few years while my parents sorted out some stuff. It was supposed to last a summer, but…”

“You felt abandoned,” Rey supplied.

“Yes.”

Rey walked to the kitchen, filling the kettle with water. “I know how that feels.”

“I know. I mean, I can tell.”

“How?”

“That first time I saw you. You were staring out at the garden. The sun was lighting up your face. You looked so beautiful and so lonely. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.”

“I tried to punch you.”

“Yeah.” He gave her a half smile. He had a goddamn dimple, the jerk. “That probably sealed the deal.”

“And the no dating thing?”

“My therapist’s idea. You know how AA recommends no romantic relationship for the first year in recovery? It was like that, but I was recovering from being an angry asshole. I was trying to fix things with my mom, even Luke. I thought anyone else would be a distraction.”

Rey poured the boiling water into her brown betty teapot. “So, two more months?”

“That was the plan.”

Rey concentrated very hard on getting two mismatching mugs out of the cupboard, back turned to Ben. “Was?”

Ben walked up behind her, caging her in lightly against the counter. He pushed her hair off her neck and whispered in her ear, “I don’t have to be dating you to be completely distracted.”

Rey turned in his arms. He didn’t move back. It was like the first time they touched. She never wanted the moment to break. She placed a hand on his chest. His heart was beating so hard. He moved his hands from the counter to her waist, resting them on her so lightly.

“So, you don’t want to wait?” She licked her lips nervously.

He shook his head, staring at her lips intently.

“We could go slow?”

He nodded, seemingly still mesmerized. Rey bit her bottom lip and his hands clutched at her waist. She took the smallest step forward, pressing her body against his. She nuzzled into his neck. He was so warm and Rey had been cold for so long. Even in the spring sunshine, part of her always felt so cold and alone.

She wasn’t consciously trying to turn things sexual. He just smelled so good and some part of her must have been feline because she just wanted to rub her body against his until all the scents that made Ben, Ben, covered her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, and shifted against him, her belly against his pelvis, her breasts against his chest. He held her, his big hands moving up to splay across her back. They swayed, almost as if they were dancing, until Ben’s hands cupped her ribs, thumbs just brushing the undersides of Rey’s breasts. She moaned and he became a flurry of action. He lifted her up, sitting her on the counter and parting her legs to make room for him. She moaned again as his groin pressed against her and he ran those big, beautiful hands through her hair, pulling her into a hungry kiss.

Rey couldn’t breath and she didn’t care.

All she could do was sigh and rub herself against him and let him devour her. He was everywhere, biting her earlobe, pinching a nipple, trying to undo the belt of her wrap dress one handed. She pushed his hand away and undid the knot as quickly as her shaking hands would let her.

“Oh god, Rey-”

“Yes, please. More.”

He rubbed his thumb against the wet spot on her underwear. Rey’s cunt clenched around nothing and she couldn’t handle it. She had never felt so overwhelmed. She pushed her underwear to the side and tugged on his wrist until he put a finger inside her. They both groaned. His other hand cupped her neck and pulled her in for another kiss. Rey could barely keep up, not as his thumb rubbed her clit and his finger thrust in and out of her. She let him kiss her any way he wanted to, rubbing his tongue against her, sucking on her tongue softly until she had to break away to gasp.

“Yes, fuck.”

Ben growled. “I am going to make you come on my fingers. Then on my tongue, and then I’m taking you to bed and not letting you out until your roommate files a missing persons report.”

“God, I wish you could fuck me.”

“I’m going to sweetheart, I’m going to.” He crooked his fingers and Rey gave a shout.

“Are you going to come for me?” Rey nodded and brought her own hands up to her chest, pinching and teasing her nipples. Ben stared at her like she wasn’t wearing her laundry day bra.

“Take your tits out, Rey. Let me see.” She pulled the cups down and he latched on to one nipple, nibbling lightly. Rey grabbed his hair, holding him to her chest and came and came and came.

“Jesus, fuck, yes.” He rubbed her back with one hand as he unzipped his jeans with the hand that was still wet from her. Rey watched, dazed, as he pulled himself out of his boxers. He was huge, which she knew (yoga pants, her torment and best friend), but it was so different seeing him red and hard for her. “Rey, I need to get off, I’ll be better for you if I-” She wrapped a hand around him. He was soft and hard and so warm to the touch. She rubbed a thumb around the tip of him where he was leaking pre-cum. She let him set the rhythm, his large hand, twisting and pumping as she explored the sensitive tip. “This is not going take long,” he huffed. Rey was a bit disappointed, she could watch him forever, but the look of relief on his face as he came was the best thing she had ever seen.

He got come on her dress (her first dry clean only item ever) and her stomach. It was warm and sticky and he rubbed it onto her stomach with a look of total satisfaction.

“Hey!” She said with no actual bite.

“Sorry,” he said with a smile, “But your abs…”

“Really?” She was post-orgasmic and covered in his spunk, but she could still blush.

He groaned. “And your ass.”

“My ass? I had to stare at your ass every week for months!”

“Had to?”

“Proper form is very important,” she said as primly as she could. He laughed. An honest to god laugh and Rey knew that ‘crush’ could no longer describe how she felt for this man. She fought through the spike of fear but he must have felt her body stiffen up.

“Rey?” His eyes were all concern and his jeans were still undone. She wanted to bite his hip bones. Rey could not believe she was about to say what she was about to say.

“About slow…” He held her tighter and huffed a laugh into her hair.

“I swear, I’ll last last longer next time. Ten months is a long time and god, you looked so good.” He kissed her neck and then bit it lightly. Rey wanted to relax into his touch but anxiety was filling her belly, leaving little room for lust. “I know people have certain expectations about yoga teachers and I wouldn’t want to disappoint.” She could feel him grin against her neck.

“I don’t have any expectations.” He was brushing his lips back and forth along the curve where her shoulder met her neck. Not even kissing, just feeling. Rey shivered.

“No fantasies? No positions you wanted to try?” He teased.

“Ah…” He stroked down her arm, intertwining their fingers, bringing her hand to his mouth, pressing open mouthed kisses against her wrist. “Plenty of fantasies. No expectations.” She sighed when he kissed the inside of her elbow. How was that so sensitive? “No, ah, experience.”

He stopped his soft explorations. “None?” She squeezed his hand tightly. _Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me._

“Well, there was this hot yoga teacher.” She tried to say it lightly but it fell flat between them.

“Rey.” He released her hand and she closed her eyes. If she didn’t watch him leave, it wouldn’t hurt as much, right? She felt a calloused thumb caress her cheek and tilt her head up.

“There was no time. I had to get out. That had to be the only thing. No distractions.” _No trust,_ she added silently. He kissed her softly on the forehead

“So, slow?” Her eyes opened in shock. He was looking at her with the most direct gaze. No pity, no doubt.

Rey wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Instead she hugged him, arms and legs wrapped around him. “I want to. I want to do _everything_.” she said fiercely. His jeans were barely hanging on to his hips and she allowed herself to rub his low back, the tips of her fingers just under the waistband of his boxers. He shuddered in her arms. “But maybe we could go out. Talk?” She kissed his cheek.

“It’s my first time too. First time in- in a relationship.” His voice sounded rough and his arms were squeezing her almost as tightly as she was holding him. “We could learn together.”

She nodded into his neck, finally letting some tears escape. She was sitting on her defiled kitchen counter, clothes barely on, his undone zipper pressing uncomfortably into her thigh and she never wanted to move. So she didn’t.

Finn was not impressed when he got home, but he got over it.

 

THE END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think, comments bring me life! Would people be interested in an epilogue? Let me know.

**Author's Note:**

> [Yoga Poses for Beginners.](https://www.yogajournal.com/poses/poses-by-level/beginners-poses)


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